Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Tolerance of Abuse won’t be found here!

I originally wrote this blog back in 2013 and had deleted it, but as certain family members keep putting their nose in the middle of this, I am reposting.  I won’t apologize for putting up boundaries and removing people from my life that either abuse and/or enable abuse.
 
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To My Mother,

 
I am sorry that you cannot see past what you have twisted in your head as the facts and do not recognize what occurred was abuse.  But I am sorry that it what it was.
 
You are not welcome in our lives as there has been no ownership and/or apology for what happened.  In addition, you make having the abuser being back in our lives a deal breaker for you.  Guess what, that person will NEVER be allowed back in our lives.  You wouldn’t ask or force a rape survivor to have to have their abuser back in their lives, why do you think it is okay to ask and try to force us to have the person who emotionally, mentally, and verbally abused your daughter and granddaughter.  Especially when you enabled the abuser to abuse us.
 
I do not have a mental illness as you have told others, I am a survivor of your husband’s abuse.  And I do not appreciate you dragging my siblings into this and twisting the facts to make it as you are the victim.  You were not the victim.  My child and I were the victim of your husband’s abuse and we are survivors.  What you saw in the summer of 2012 that continued was me being frustrated and fed up with how we were being treated and standing up against the abuse.
 
You are not welcomed in our lives as you enabled your husband’s abuse and refused to respect the boundaries that were put up to remove your husband’s toxic behavior and abuse from our lives.
 
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To the Abuser,
 
Your abuse was not a misunderstanding or miscommunication as you have stated in emails in the past.  I do not care what you did in the military or in civilian life.  Your “credentials” do not entitle you to bully, harass, or abuse others.  Not once have you owned the fact that your behavior was improper and crossed the line.  Not once have you apologized.
 
You will NEVER be welcome in our lives because you abused us.  I will not tolerate that behavior in mine or my child’s life.  I can never trust you and I have no faith in you as a person.
 
Below is why you will never be welcome in our lives as I will not enable you to continue to abuse us:
  • It was not okay to verbally threaten me or my child as you did.
  • It was not okay for you to make entry into my home that I was renting, unannounced, without permission or prior notification on multiple occasions when we were there and not there.  Twist the verbal rental agreement however you want.  I was paying to rent to live in the house, which you all did not live in.  Even if I wasn’t paying rent (e.g. rent free renter), there are laws that protect renters and require advanced notification and common courtesy to renters.  There were not texts from you 24 hours in advanced.  Because of your threats you were blocked from contact my cell and your wife was told on multiple occasions of this.
  • It was not okay for you to bully and harass me and my child on multiple occasions to the point that my child was fearful of living in our home, going to church and/or in the public for fear that we would run into you.
  • It was not okay for you to yell and scream at me in my own home, especially when it occurred in front of my child.
  • It was not okay for you to hit the wall, threatening physical violence, when I confronted you for being in the house unannounced without notification and when you made entry into the home when I was in the shower.
  • It was not okay for you to lie to my child.
  • It was not okay for you to attempt to bribe my child.
  • It was not okay for you to bash me to my child.
  • It was not okay for you and my mother to go through my belongings when were not home.
  • It was not okay for you and my mother to take things that belonged to me and my child.
  • It was not okay for you to harass and stalk us in our home and out in public.
  • It was not okay for you to physically prevent me from leaving my home on multiple occasions.
  • It was not okay for you to continue to attempt to make contact and harass me and my child after you were asked and told to stop and leave us alone on multiple occasions.
Whether you intended to or not, how you treated my child and I crossed the line into emotional, verbal, and mental abuse.  This abuse continued after I asked you to stop and attempted on several occasions to put up boundaries and barriers, which you blew right past.  Your behavior only continued the abuse.  We were forced to change how we lived, changed where we lived, and even had to change churches as it was not a place where my child and I could worship in peace free from your harassment and abuse.  This is why you are not welcomed in our lives and why you will never be welcomed back into our lives.
 
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To my family members:


To those that believe me and support me in my stance, thank you.


To those that do not believe me, I do not care.


To the one or two people who still bring this up.  I will not tolerate being force to re-live and ask me questions on what happened as you just don’t understand.  I will no longer acknowledge the pressure you are putting on me into having the abuser back in my life.  It just isn’t going to happen.  If you bring this subject up to me, I will no longer respond and I will remove myself and my child from the situation.  If it is occurring at my house, you will be asked to leave as this is our safe haven that is free from abuse.


If you can’t respect my boundaries and not allowing my abuser in my life, there is the door.  I will not make justifications for removing toxic and abusive people from my life.


Sincerely,
 
The Survivor